It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
