He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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