I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
