Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
