mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
