We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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