i would punch a child for taco bell
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
