Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I intend to get homeless drunk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
