So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
