i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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