Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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