I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
