4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
