chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
