Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
