that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
