WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there was a trapeze. enough said
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
