You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
