You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
