I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
