I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
