as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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