stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
