well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize