See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
