I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
