I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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