the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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