I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
