But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
