tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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