Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We left the knife in your bed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize