My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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