By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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