Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize