Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
