on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
