ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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