just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize