THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
True college students do jello shots in the library
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
