It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
