Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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