There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
