I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
