At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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