I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
