Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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