I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize