you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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