We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
