The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Cover your peen. We're going out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
