please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
