My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
