We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
