I need to stop coming to work sober
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
