Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
