ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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