it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
