So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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