i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
