Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize