i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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