Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
