Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
