I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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